I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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