she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
