I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
