I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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