Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
