my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
