OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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