So drunk its hurt
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
