I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
