need another drink. this is the easiest way
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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