What did we do last night that was yellow?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
