You work out of a Hotel?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
