Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
