I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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