I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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