i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
