She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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