If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
