I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
