i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
