about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
