marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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