I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
