you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
