I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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