I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
