i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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