All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
