I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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