Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
