There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
