As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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