gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
