You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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