i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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