in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
