I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
