You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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