She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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