I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
