Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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