Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
