There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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