a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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