dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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