What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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