some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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