TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize