Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
my liver is dry heaving
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
