dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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