You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
