Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
