I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
