Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
