I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
