you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
