So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
