Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
