they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We are all done wearing pants today
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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