Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
