I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
