I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
