I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
