We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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