I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
