using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
