Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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