Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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