I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
