i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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