what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
