Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
