my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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