I seem to have left my pride at pride
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
