I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
