Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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