i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize