my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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