Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
