I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize