please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think people are normalizing furries
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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