I puked a lego.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
