??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
