her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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