Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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