i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize