Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize