I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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