I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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