Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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