i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Jerry, you need to find god
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
