anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
