Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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