dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
