brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
