oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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