My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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