OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
