why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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