Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize