I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
