Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
