Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
